Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Don’t be afraid, just go
4:10 PM | 
Posted by
daniel
All of us here at the Spiritan House of Studies in Manila have a close relationship with many of the Chinese priests, brothers and sisters who are in Manila studying theology for future ministry in their homeland. As China officially opens more and more to God, the Spirit is blowing gently in so many ways. We are very blessed to know such inspirational people as these young Chinese who are helping the Church rise again after years of suffering and persecution. Chinese Christians are here because they are helped by the knowledge and wisdom of the rest of the Church, and we, the rest of the Church, are helped by the wisdom, courage and dedication of the Church of China. Here below is a sharing of Sister Huang, a delightful young Sister with the voice of an angel. Enjoy and be blessed!!
God wants everyone to be with him and live in His love. Indeed, God is calling us all the time, through the people and things around us: our family, church, society, nature. And he mobilizes and utilizes a variety of environments to cultivate our vocation. So, each of our lives is a journey of a response to God's call. When we respond to Him with all our lives; to do His will with all our hearts, with all our minds, then our lives will become more meaningful, more valuable, and more brilliant, more abundant. As Abraham, Jeremiah, Samuel, Mama Mary, the Apostles responded, so I, too! Today, when I analyze my own vocation, I have also found that God’s calling came to me in my childhood, and He took care of me, gave me a lovely family and lovely community. He is making me grow in my religious life, He is making my vocation story become so special and beautiful!
The Discovery Process of my Vocation
“ Here I am , Lord , for you called me.” (1 Sam 3:5)
I was born a in a Catholic family; my parents gave me the good moral education of a Catholic. Similar to Samuel’s mother, my mother is a devout and pious woman. When I was a little child, my mother taught me about God and Jesus, and taught me how to pray. When I was teenager, my mother always said to me: “The vocation that was chosen by God for you to do God’s will, will be filled with grace and many blessings”. And she also asked me: “When you have grown up, will you be a nun to serve God, like your aunt (who is a nun)? All right?” But I never answered. I disliked following the way of life of my aunt. “That will be very lonely”, I thought. But I have to admit that I respected my aunt so much because she was really a good person and different.
In 1984, when I was 18 years old, my aunt who was a nun died. Many people of our church said: “It is now that our church has just been restored and is in need of people like her and of her service, but now she is dead. And in this new generation there are no young ones who will be willing to choose her way of life and service…” I heard that, and my heart was touched.
During the following year's Spring Festival (Chinese New Year), I met two of my relatives who were working in the city— Zhong Shan of Guangdong. Two of them shared with me what they had experienced of the outside world. “Time and time again, the Bishop, who is very old, asked us, ‘Won’t you dedicate yourselves to God and to spreading the Gospel? You see, we are getting old and it is difficult to walk, and our church needs to have young workers. . . ” They said this with laugher, the other girls who heard also thought it funny. But I kept silent, because this “word” in my mind became a special PICTURE and it made me felt a little sad. After about two months, the PICTURE often came out my mind with the VOICE---“Do you dedicate yourself to God and devote your life to spreading the Gospel?” Again and again it happened. Since then, the VOICE began to disturb my thoughts, and gradually occupied the whole of my heart. For a while I thought that VOICE was threatening the life of my original vision, so I tried to avoid it, but it only became stronger and stronger! And so it even frightened me!
After few months, I went to see my uncle who is a priest, and told him what had happened to me and what I had experienced. Then he taught me about God’s call by saying: “Don’t be afraid! Maybe God is calling you. Now try to focus on this VOICE, and try to answer and say to God: “Here I am, Lord, for you called me.” (1 Sam 3:5) Then I tried to do what my uncle had said. A few weeks later, I realized that it was, in fact, the calling of God. Then I felt something very heavy, very painful!
The Experience of the Rich Young Man.
“Jesus said to the rich young man: ‘Go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor,… then come, follow me.’ When he heard this, he was shocked and went away grieving”. (Mk 10:21-22). It was difficult for this rich young man to give up his own wealth. For me, I was not so rich, so I had no “wealth” to give up, however like the rich young man, I too “was shocked” and wanted to “go away grieving”, because I had already had the vision of my life, and had a very determined pursuit and clear life goals.
I was preparing with great enthusiasm for the future to become a good wife, a good mother! I knew I could be that, I believed I would have a nice family life. And at that time I was operating a small shop, and many elders of my relatives and neighbors believed that I had the talent and qualifications to be successful in business. So when I clearly knew that God was calling me and knew that meant I would have to give up my existing, safe, normal and happy life style, there was a really hard struggle in my inner life. At first I decided to ignore this calling and I tried to change it, even making a special prayer to ask God: “Do not call me to be a nun and I will be a devout Catholic like my mother and I will help my parish every way I can.” But after six months, I found my inner life was very disturbed, as if I were burying a bomb. So then I had to say “Yes” to God. I was very strange, when I decided to respond to God, my heart felt a deep peace, although it still felt heavy and painful!
Go and See , Then , I remained with him on that Day! (John 1: 39)
“The next day John was there again with two of his disciples, and as he watched Jesus walk by, he said ‘Behold, the Lamb of God.’ The two disciples heard what he said and followed Jesus. Jesus turned and saw them following him and he said to them, ‘What are you looking for?’ They said to him, ‘Rabbi, where are you staying?’ He said to them, ‘Come, and you will see.’ (John1:36-39)
At that time I was still anxious because I no idea about congregations of sisters (Where? What? How? ) and I had never been away from my family. But my uncle said to me: “Don’t be afraid, just go. God will show you how to go!” So, like the two disciples of John the Baptist, in a religious environment still mingled with a strong political atmosphere, with the approval of my parents, I followed the guidance of my uncle and went to Guangzhou, (300 kilometers from home) to look for the superior of the Chinese Sisters of the Immaculate Conception. She was 81years old and had lived history, which was what my uncle was referring to when he told me: “She is a true nun. She will teach you how to do well and how to be a good religious.” On September 8, 1987 I met her and “remained with her that day” (John1: 39)—Sep.8, 1987. And I became one of the first group of twelve members after my congregation reopened in the newly found religious freedom of China.
In the journey of my religious life I have encountered many challenges and temptations, but I was and I am still here! For the VOICE has again and again echoed in my heart, again and again called me to go back before the Lord, again and again helped me to overcome the difficulties. Today, when I once again look back my vocational process, I more clearly recognize that this vocation is indeed a great grace from God. It is like the experience of Isaiah: “The Lord, He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” (Isa.43:1--3)
The Content of my Vocation
At that time in China, the policy of religious freedom had just been restored and although many churches had been reopened, there were not yet any formal congregations of sisters, just some scattered elderly nuns who had weathered the difficult times. In my congregation also, formation has been halted for 40 years (1947 - 1987). So at that time, our community consisted of an 81 year old superior, and a few sisters over 75 years old, and a decrepit building less than 200 square meters in size!! We had nothing, we were really poor! In this environment, we started the journey of our religious life.
At first, I was educated by my community (1987-1992), learning how to know God’s love and how to experience God’s love and learning the knowledge of basic theology and religious life. I especially learned the way of a truly spiritual life from Mama Mary, her prayer, her contemplation, her service, her chastity, her humility and her obedience. In the second phase (1993 to 1998), I was a formator in my community, and accompanied aspirants and novices. After that, I worked and taught in the catechumen center of my diocese (1999-2002), and later served my congregation as a superior for six years (2002-2008).
My Vocation is Mission! And my missionary content is very simple, it is to tell others ‘God is Love! God loves everyone!’ But I knew that I have no any knowledge for preaching or for explaining it as a Missionary, but I just tried to offer God my daily life and have attempted to do everything with God’s love and according to my congregation’s charism (that is do pastoral work, especially accompanying the people who walk on the journey of the religious life). Like Mama Mary, I just share the Good News with others, looking for what people need and I can do something. I pray with Mama Mary for people’s needs and for mission. So in my personal sense of the system, all of vocations are mission. For each Vocation, life itself is mission! So when I joined religious life, that mission became my lifestyle.
Therefore, missionaries should be able to live in God's love and should be able to love one another in their specific circumstances of life. It will let people see his good deeds and recognize that they are followers of Christ. Over time, this act of benevolence will guide people to know God and find him in Christianity. I strongly believe that even if I just do little things or do nothing, if I am being God’s love and love everyone, I also am on real mission!
Now I am studying in the Institute of Consecrated Life in Asia, and taking a course on Consecrated Life to prepare to walk well in the next journey of my vocation. Even though I am not sure what I will be sent to do next, I am sure that I will be in mission because mission is the basic form of my religious life, it is the content of my vocation. And then, mission also makes my religious life become meaningful and joyful!
I have been walking on the way of a religious vocation for twenty-two (22) years, and although there have been a lot of hardships, difficulties, temptations, struggles and mistakes, I always recall: “ The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pasture; He leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul. He leads me in right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for God be with me; his rod and his staff—they comfort me.” (Ps 23: 1--4)
I have experienced and recognized what Jesus’ promised: “Truly I tell you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields, for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, who will not receive a hundredfold in this age, ---- with persecutions.” And I also strongly believe “In the age to come eternal life” will be true! (Mk: 10: 29—30) So, henceforth every day, I will be singing with all my heart and all my soul with Mama Mary, “My soul glorifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked with favor on the lowliness of his servant.” (Luke 1:46--48)
Don’t be afraid, just go!
By Sr. Huang Qujiao
By Sr. Huang Qujiao
God wants everyone to be with him and live in His love. Indeed, God is calling us all the time, through the people and things around us: our family, church, society, nature. And he mobilizes and utilizes a variety of environments to cultivate our vocation. So, each of our lives is a journey of a response to God's call. When we respond to Him with all our lives; to do His will with all our hearts, with all our minds, then our lives will become more meaningful, more valuable, and more brilliant, more abundant. As Abraham, Jeremiah, Samuel, Mama Mary, the Apostles responded, so I, too! Today, when I analyze my own vocation, I have also found that God’s calling came to me in my childhood, and He took care of me, gave me a lovely family and lovely community. He is making me grow in my religious life, He is making my vocation story become so special and beautiful!
The Discovery Process of my Vocation
“ Here I am , Lord , for you called me.” (1 Sam 3:5)
I was born a in a Catholic family; my parents gave me the good moral education of a Catholic. Similar to Samuel’s mother, my mother is a devout and pious woman. When I was a little child, my mother taught me about God and Jesus, and taught me how to pray. When I was teenager, my mother always said to me: “The vocation that was chosen by God for you to do God’s will, will be filled with grace and many blessings”. And she also asked me: “When you have grown up, will you be a nun to serve God, like your aunt (who is a nun)? All right?” But I never answered. I disliked following the way of life of my aunt. “That will be very lonely”, I thought. But I have to admit that I respected my aunt so much because she was really a good person and different.
In 1984, when I was 18 years old, my aunt who was a nun died. Many people of our church said: “It is now that our church has just been restored and is in need of people like her and of her service, but now she is dead. And in this new generation there are no young ones who will be willing to choose her way of life and service…” I heard that, and my heart was touched.
During the following year's Spring Festival (Chinese New Year), I met two of my relatives who were working in the city— Zhong Shan of Guangdong. Two of them shared with me what they had experienced of the outside world. “Time and time again, the Bishop, who is very old, asked us, ‘Won’t you dedicate yourselves to God and to spreading the Gospel? You see, we are getting old and it is difficult to walk, and our church needs to have young workers. . . ” They said this with laugher, the other girls who heard also thought it funny. But I kept silent, because this “word” in my mind became a special PICTURE and it made me felt a little sad. After about two months, the PICTURE often came out my mind with the VOICE---“Do you dedicate yourself to God and devote your life to spreading the Gospel?” Again and again it happened. Since then, the VOICE began to disturb my thoughts, and gradually occupied the whole of my heart. For a while I thought that VOICE was threatening the life of my original vision, so I tried to avoid it, but it only became stronger and stronger! And so it even frightened me!
After few months, I went to see my uncle who is a priest, and told him what had happened to me and what I had experienced. Then he taught me about God’s call by saying: “Don’t be afraid! Maybe God is calling you. Now try to focus on this VOICE, and try to answer and say to God: “Here I am, Lord, for you called me.” (1 Sam 3:5) Then I tried to do what my uncle had said. A few weeks later, I realized that it was, in fact, the calling of God. Then I felt something very heavy, very painful!
The Experience of the Rich Young Man.
“Jesus said to the rich young man: ‘Go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor,… then come, follow me.’ When he heard this, he was shocked and went away grieving”. (Mk 10:21-22). It was difficult for this rich young man to give up his own wealth. For me, I was not so rich, so I had no “wealth” to give up, however like the rich young man, I too “was shocked” and wanted to “go away grieving”, because I had already had the vision of my life, and had a very determined pursuit and clear life goals.
I was preparing with great enthusiasm for the future to become a good wife, a good mother! I knew I could be that, I believed I would have a nice family life. And at that time I was operating a small shop, and many elders of my relatives and neighbors believed that I had the talent and qualifications to be successful in business. So when I clearly knew that God was calling me and knew that meant I would have to give up my existing, safe, normal and happy life style, there was a really hard struggle in my inner life. At first I decided to ignore this calling and I tried to change it, even making a special prayer to ask God: “Do not call me to be a nun and I will be a devout Catholic like my mother and I will help my parish every way I can.” But after six months, I found my inner life was very disturbed, as if I were burying a bomb. So then I had to say “Yes” to God. I was very strange, when I decided to respond to God, my heart felt a deep peace, although it still felt heavy and painful!
Go and See , Then , I remained with him on that Day! (John 1: 39)
“The next day John was there again with two of his disciples, and as he watched Jesus walk by, he said ‘Behold, the Lamb of God.’ The two disciples heard what he said and followed Jesus. Jesus turned and saw them following him and he said to them, ‘What are you looking for?’ They said to him, ‘Rabbi, where are you staying?’ He said to them, ‘Come, and you will see.’ (John1:36-39)
At that time I was still anxious because I no idea about congregations of sisters (Where? What? How? ) and I had never been away from my family. But my uncle said to me: “Don’t be afraid, just go. God will show you how to go!” So, like the two disciples of John the Baptist, in a religious environment still mingled with a strong political atmosphere, with the approval of my parents, I followed the guidance of my uncle and went to Guangzhou, (300 kilometers from home) to look for the superior of the Chinese Sisters of the Immaculate Conception. She was 81years old and had lived history, which was what my uncle was referring to when he told me: “She is a true nun. She will teach you how to do well and how to be a good religious.” On September 8, 1987 I met her and “remained with her that day” (John1: 39)—Sep.8, 1987. And I became one of the first group of twelve members after my congregation reopened in the newly found religious freedom of China.
In the journey of my religious life I have encountered many challenges and temptations, but I was and I am still here! For the VOICE has again and again echoed in my heart, again and again called me to go back before the Lord, again and again helped me to overcome the difficulties. Today, when I once again look back my vocational process, I more clearly recognize that this vocation is indeed a great grace from God. It is like the experience of Isaiah: “The Lord, He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” (Isa.43:1--3)
The Content of my Vocation
At that time in China, the policy of religious freedom had just been restored and although many churches had been reopened, there were not yet any formal congregations of sisters, just some scattered elderly nuns who had weathered the difficult times. In my congregation also, formation has been halted for 40 years (1947 - 1987). So at that time, our community consisted of an 81 year old superior, and a few sisters over 75 years old, and a decrepit building less than 200 square meters in size!! We had nothing, we were really poor! In this environment, we started the journey of our religious life.
At first, I was educated by my community (1987-1992), learning how to know God’s love and how to experience God’s love and learning the knowledge of basic theology and religious life. I especially learned the way of a truly spiritual life from Mama Mary, her prayer, her contemplation, her service, her chastity, her humility and her obedience. In the second phase (1993 to 1998), I was a formator in my community, and accompanied aspirants and novices. After that, I worked and taught in the catechumen center of my diocese (1999-2002), and later served my congregation as a superior for six years (2002-2008).
My Vocation is Mission! And my missionary content is very simple, it is to tell others ‘God is Love! God loves everyone!’ But I knew that I have no any knowledge for preaching or for explaining it as a Missionary, but I just tried to offer God my daily life and have attempted to do everything with God’s love and according to my congregation’s charism (that is do pastoral work, especially accompanying the people who walk on the journey of the religious life). Like Mama Mary, I just share the Good News with others, looking for what people need and I can do something. I pray with Mama Mary for people’s needs and for mission. So in my personal sense of the system, all of vocations are mission. For each Vocation, life itself is mission! So when I joined religious life, that mission became my lifestyle.
Therefore, missionaries should be able to live in God's love and should be able to love one another in their specific circumstances of life. It will let people see his good deeds and recognize that they are followers of Christ. Over time, this act of benevolence will guide people to know God and find him in Christianity. I strongly believe that even if I just do little things or do nothing, if I am being God’s love and love everyone, I also am on real mission!
Now I am studying in the Institute of Consecrated Life in Asia, and taking a course on Consecrated Life to prepare to walk well in the next journey of my vocation. Even though I am not sure what I will be sent to do next, I am sure that I will be in mission because mission is the basic form of my religious life, it is the content of my vocation. And then, mission also makes my religious life become meaningful and joyful!
I have been walking on the way of a religious vocation for twenty-two (22) years, and although there have been a lot of hardships, difficulties, temptations, struggles and mistakes, I always recall: “ The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pasture; He leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul. He leads me in right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for God be with me; his rod and his staff—they comfort me.” (Ps 23: 1--4)
I have experienced and recognized what Jesus’ promised: “Truly I tell you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields, for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, who will not receive a hundredfold in this age, ---- with persecutions.” And I also strongly believe “In the age to come eternal life” will be true! (Mk: 10: 29—30) So, henceforth every day, I will be singing with all my heart and all my soul with Mama Mary, “My soul glorifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked with favor on the lowliness of his servant.” (Luke 1:46--48)
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